One year out and everything soft still hurts

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Please welcome Nechama, who joins us today as a regular contributor at Glow. She is an activist, educator and writer, and the mother of Amado. She lives with her pit bull soul mate, Samira. — The Editors

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A year ago
It was my whole body
Bleeding
An endless expanse
Of shared cells
Mine and his
And no one’s
Because even my cells 
Tried to stop existing 
When his did
And his cells were mostly mine
Tethered and woven, 
A web of 
Cells and soft spider silk 

And a year ago
When everything was shared
And ours
And sacred
A year ago
I was half tears
All of mine
And most of his
Uncried and unshed
Because he was gone
And everything made me cry
For both of us

This year its mostly just
Soft things
Unworn clothes
And cheeks
And spider webs
And tiny curls
And little mice
And drops of milk
I’ll never shed
Its mostly just soft things
That make me cry

He is
The softest flame
The smallest bones
Gentle tears
Whispered dreams
And drops of milk
In the dark of night
When everything 
Feels endless,

Except my cells
who all long for him,
Unknown
Unburied
Unseen
Cheeks and tiny
Curls
Unworn clothes and
Dried up milk drops
Falling softly
Unshed tears

And somehow my cells 
Keep dividing
Keep existing, endless
Without his
Soft spider threads
Untethered
Endless
Too soft to ever
land

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