not this time of year again
/
i’m not ready for it to be
this time of year again
i picked up her wreath today
and it weighed 5000 pounds
when i drove to hollandia
to select her special snowflake bow
the ride lasted hours instead of minutes
with heavy hands
i rummaged through her little pink box
to find her Merry Christmas garden flag
and none of it felt merry.
maybe it’s not as much about preparing for the Christmas season
as it is preparing for her death
the two weeks leading up to it
are always the hardest of the year
seven years ago IF
if this or if that
then maybe she would be here
and i’d be coaching softball
and detangling her long brown hair
instead of detangling that goddamn knot in my brain
over and over again
it is never of any use
she remains underground
and all i can do
is decorate her gravestone
that will soon be buried under mountains of snow
Holidays are hard. How are you doing during this season where sometimes, as Kathy writes, none of it feels merry?