I had so many years of waiting and longing for exactly this life: The two children, the big farmhouse in the country. Space to breathe and walk, more trees than people, peace. They say, don’t move too soon after a tragedy, like leaving is the same as giving up, but all I wanted from the day I lost him, if I couldn’t have him back, was to run away.
Read MoreI wanted to remember what I felt when the nurse placed him in my arms for those short few minutes after giving birth. I wanted to remember how smooth his skin was and how soft his hair felt under my fingers when I would gently rub his head. I wanted to remember his eyes and how much he already looked like his daddy. I wanted to remember the happiness I felt to be his mother.
Read MoreThe previous owners lost a child. The woman who lived here is a social worker and specializes in infant and child loss, which we only found out after we signed the sale contract and googled her name. I wonder if they lost a child, my husband and I said to each other then, and our suspicions were confirmed by the handyman who stopped by to remove a memorial stone from the back meadow. Eerie, that connection. The space readied for our exact sorrow.
Read MoreEvery time I see a pregnancy announcement on Facebook from new parents, I see the flood of congratulatory comments. I would be lying if I did not say I was jealous of the innocence held by these expecting parents and their families. I feel no desire to say “congrats” but instead to warn them: did you know that your completely healthy and normal pregnancy can end in a shit show with your baby dying in your arms? Mood killer.
Read MoreBereaved parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion, and the other side of getting through this mess called grief.
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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.
Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.
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: parenting after loss
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: how to help a friend through babyloss
: how to plan a baby's funeral
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